


The Sharpest Blade

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Fuckbuddies, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-01
Updated: 2010-03-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The truth cuts deeper than anything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sharpest Blade: Sam

Sam doesn’t know when it happened exactly. He can’t even remember how this thing between them started, whether it was convenience, or curiosity, or something else.

But at some point it became more than that, at least for him. And whenever Gabriel touches him, he can feel the words inside his head, a constant litany, fighting to be spoken, to be acknowledged.

Gabriel must feel them too, since he’s been doing everything possible to keep Sam from saying them.

Sam’s gotten used to having his mouth stopped with Gabriel’s own, or occupied with Gabriel’s fingers or his cock. He’s gotten used to Gabriel covering his mouth when he comes.

But one day Gabriel forgets, and as Sam comes the words spill out of him.

He freezes, and for a long moment lies still before slowly turning to look at Gabriel.

He catches his breath, because Gabriel looks like he’s about to cry. “Gabriel?”

The archangel turns away.

“Gabriel, I’m sorry!”

But he’s already gone.


	2. The Sharpest Blade: Gabriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth cuts deeper than anything else.

Sam’s been thinking again. Gabriel can hear the words chanted in his mind, and he can’t deal with them, doesn’t want to accept them, doesn’t want them to be real.

Because those words mean that this isn’t just sex anymore, that it means something, and he doesn’t _do _that. (He ignores the part of himself that whispers that it’s too late, that it already means something).__

__As long as Sam doesn’t say it, he can pretend it isn’t happening, so he does everything he can to make sure he doesn’t have the opportunity. Sam doesn’t seem to mind too much._ _

__But he had to slip sometime, and eventually Sam says it, admits the thing he doesn’t want to hear._ _

__When Sam apologizes he can’t answer, since now the words are there between them, demanding an answer, a response, and he can’t give it, he can’t._ _

__So he does what he did before._ _

__He leaves. Leaves the closest thing he’s had to family in millennia._ _


	3. The Wildest Woe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel wants to talk. Sam doesn’t want to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from a quote by Pearl Bailey: "The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love."

Gabriel goes off and does his thing: making whirlpools in the swimming pools of jocks who give swirlies to the nerdy kids, giving unknown and highly creative STDs to philanderers, setting up Ponzi schemes for embezzlers to invest in.

But it’s not the same. It used to be fun, now it seems pointless. Not to mention every time he pulls a trick he sees Sam making bitchfaces in his mind’s eye.

He comforts himself with the fact that it’ll all be gone soon anyway, but that leads to the thought of Sam a puppet for Lucifer, everything that he f-…everything that makes him _him_ burned away.

He can’t bear that thought, so he goes back to playing tricks, hoping that it’ll help him forget. It did before, after all.

It doesn’t help.

***

Sam’s nearly forgotten about Gabriel when he shows up again. “What the fuck do _you_ want?”

“I want to talk,” Gabriel says tightly.

“Yeah, well, go talk at someone else!”

“Sam…”

Sam rounds on him. “I don’t want to hear it Gabriel! I know I fucked up and I should have kept my big mouth shut, but that’s no reason to run off! Dean was right about you,” he finishes in a mutter. “You are a coward.”

“I am _not_ a coward!” Gabriel snarls, advancing on him.

“Oh, yeah?” Sam sneers, holding his ground. “Then why head for the hills as soon as someone confesses they love you?”

Gabriel flinches as if struck, and Sam feels a moment of guilt, before remembering the empty months between then and now. Let him flinch.

“I’m sorry I ran off,” Gabriel whispers.

“Not good enough!”

“Sam…what you said…I didn’t want to hear it,”

“Yeah, I got that,” Sam snorts, but Gabriel overrides him.

“I didn’t want to hear it because it made me have to analyze what we had.”

“And that’s against the fuckbuddy code, is that it?”

Gabriel winces again, but says, “No. Because it meant I’d have to look at how I felt.”

That brings Sam up short. “What are you talking about?” he asks, eyes narrowed.

Gabriel shakes his head. “Never mind. I don’t even know why I came here,” he mutters, raising his hand.

Sam grabs his arm. “Wait!” Because he suddenly doesn’t want Gabriel to leave again and probably never come back.

Gabriel stares at him, and Sam freezes, slowly lets go of his arm. “Sorry.”

Gabriel doesn’t reply.

“What did you mean?” Sam asks again. “About looking at how you felt?”

Gabriel heaves a huge sigh, fixes his gaze on the wall and starts talking. “After I left I went back to playing tricks on people.”

Sam frowns, but doesn’t say anything.

Gabriel huffs out a laugh. “It sucked. I did it and it wasn’t fun and I kept thinking about what you’d say if you knew.” His eyes are suddenly boring into Sam’s. “Goddamn you, Winchester, you made me grow a conscience!”

Sam doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he keeps quiet.

Gabriel goes back to staring at the wall. “I knew that you…before you said anything.”

“So why’d you freak out?” Sam demands, frustrated with the fact that Gabriel seems to be allergic to the word “love.” Or else maybe he’s afraid of it.

Gabriel gives him a dirty look. “Because as long as you didn’t say it I could pretend I _didn’t_ know. For God’s sake, Winchester, do you have any idea of the sheer FUBAR potential of that word?”

“I’m starting to,” Sam shoots back. “But it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I know you don’t–”

“But I do,” Gabriel cuts him off.

Sam blinks, knocked off track again. “What?”

“I do,” Gabriel repeats. “That’s why…”

“You do what?” Sam demands. It’s childish, and petty, but he’s tired of Gabriel’s shit.

“I–” Gabriel stops. “Dammit, Sam, you know already, why do I have to _say_ it?”

Sam shrugs. “Whatever. It’s just, you said you weren’t a coward, so why are you afraid of one little word?”

“I am _not_ a coward!”

“So prove it,” Sam says, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

Gabriel clenches his fists. “Sam Winchester. You are a stubborn, self-righteous maniac with no boundaries whatsoever who rushes in where angels fear to tread, and I should know.” He pauses, and takes a deep breath, not looking at him. “And, God help me, but I love you.”

“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Sam asks, although he feels like there’s suddenly not enough air in the room.

Gabriel glares at him again, but doesn’t say anything.

“Seriously, why couldn’t you just say it?”

Gabriel shoves his hands in his pockets. “Angels don’t need to say it, they just do it. Hell, they’re practically _created_ for it. And Tricksters don’t give a shit about anybody but themselves.”

Sam remembers that Gabriel left Heaven, left his family, and how being cut off from Heaven had affected Cas. Gabriel left voluntarily, but still… “I’m sorry.”

Gabriel looks at him, startled. “What for?”

“For reminding you. For forcing you to say it. For…” Sam trails off.

Gabriel smiles sadly. “You didn’t force me. And I meant it, but–”

“I’m not going to expect you to say it all the time,” Sam interrupts him. “It’s just, it’s nice to know you care about me, y’know?”

“I do.”

Sam approaches Gabriel, slowly, still not sure he isn’t going to bolt.

Gabriel lets him close, and Sam leans down to kiss him softly.

“I love you,” he whispers when he pulls away, and Gabriel flinches, but he nods, grips Sam’s forearms and kisses him again.


End file.
